Three years. Just typing that brings me to tears. Three years ago today (1-22) I thought my life was over and in a way it was. The life that I knew anyway. It was devastating and haunting and the most painful thing I’ve ever suffered on earth thus far. Everything was dark and lonely and sad. I could not see anything but pain and my mind only went to dark places that I didn’t seem to be able to control. I could not hear anything but loss and grief. The sounds that came out of me are not sounds I ever want to hear again. Sounds of intense emotion and horror. Everywhere I went I felt like a neon sign – like everyone was starring at me… wondering. Wondering what I was doing, what I was thinking, how was I managing, etc. The stares were the worst. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Seriously.
Three years. It’s amazing what God has brought about in those three years. He has blessed me with true friendships. Friendships that stood the fire. Those that allowed me to grieve and didn’t judge. New friendships that were born in adversity. Cherished friends who know me deeply and love me anyway. Oh how I love these people. People that God put in my path just when I needed them. They were the reason my children were fed and loved because Lord knows I could not do that for them. Family that supported me and held me and let me love in spite of the hurt. And still does. And continue to accept me with my hair color changes 😉 A job that I love. Working with people who inspire me and stretch me and make me laugh. Vacations and trips that romanced my adventurer’s heart. Destinations with my kids so they could see God’s beauty. So I could be reminded that there really was still beauty. All blessings from a Heavenly Father that did not forget me or my children.
Three years. It’s exciting, really. Exciting to think about the next three years and all that those years may bring. Whether blessing or loss, I know that my Father will be at my side. He walked with me through some very dark places and kept me from getting lost. In fact, He knew exactly where we were going all along. A place of contentment, peace, and joy that alluded me for years.