Tag Archives: tears

Grieving

eyeThis post is a continuation of my story. It’s a fairy tale… with a twist.

Saying “yes” to the proposal was a rush. A very good one. To get caught up go here…and then read “up”. Or just start here . Either way, thanks for stopping by. In all my “My Story” posts, names have been changed for privacy; hence, the *.

Unfortunately, *Justin’s dad passed away. Because we had been dating for years and I truly adored his dad, losing his dad was devastating.

I was not “officially” part of the family, so I was not included in some of the family gatherings. I completely understood, and still do, but it left me to grieve alone. And because he wasn’t officially my father-in-law, I could not take off work. My assistant, at the time, was so gracious. She would step in to teach, when I couldn’t. She gave me space and permission to cry. She was my rock. My safe place to land each day. Looking back on that time, I know she was God’s grace to me. A “for such a time as this” person.

Of course, all wedding planning was on hold. My mind could not even consider planning something so joyous in the midst of all the sadness. Grieving needed to happen. And it did. Lots of it. Mostly in the shadows of the night where only God knew the depths of grief. But again, his Grace was sufficient and His presence evident. I knew I was not alone.

During the months that followed, I watched a grieving family cling to each other. To support and love each other in ways that had not happened before. Grief and loss does that.  It burns away all the things that don’t matter and leaves behind what does. Family.

And this family would soon be mine, as well.

Five Minute Friday: HERO

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Welcome to post for FIVE MINUTE FRIDAYS with Lisa Jo Baker!

About 5 Minute Fridays:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat. No editing. No backtracking. No overthinking. (OK, maybe just a little.)
2. Link back to Lisa Jo’s site: LisaJoBaker.com
3. Visit the person before you and leave a comment to encourage them.

Today’s prompt: HERO

Unassuming, quietly learning a new way of life. A life without the one he pledge his life to. For better or for worse. There were better times, but the worse was far worse than anyone could have imagined as they exchanged vows.

Vows were exchanged. Vows were kept. Tears were shed. Still being shed.

Life can be so hard.

He clings to the one who created him. His heart steady…even in the dark places.

Now alone, he creates a new life for the life the love created. The two struggle to find a new normal, a new path, a new life. They cling to each other, each a hero to the other.

Heroes created from destruction and pain.

But heroes just the same.

When Monday Lasts All Week

MondayThe week started as any other – on a Monday. For some reason it never left that beginning.

For those of you who follow me on Facebook, most of this will not be new. The events unfolded one after another almost as if someone were throwing darts right at me. It has been painful, to say the least. In fact, last night one of my best friends texted me to say, “At this point, I actually catch my breath when I see a text from you because I’m scared! THAT is a crappy week, no doubt!” Yep, truth. Funny and sad.

Last night a neighbor stopped by and when I opened the door, the tears begin to fall. Mine, not hers. I felt so bad for her. There she was just popping by, only to get an emotional mess greeting her at the front door. I’d just burnt my finger after a very unsuccessful dinner with my kids. She hugged me and prayed for me right there. It was just what I needed. A God-send for sure. And as God would have it, her husband is a plumber and they were coming to check on my “situation”. The situation of my hot water heater leaking and the complete take-over of my attic by small woodland creatures.

Then there are the bright spots among all the YUCK this week that reminds me that I’m not alone (even though I know I’m not… being reminded is very helpful). Family and friends who were there to help and blessed me along the way. And a reminder that God is not surprised by anything that has happened this week. In fact, he already had things in place to help me through… even if one of those is my tax return. Not through it all yet, but praying it ends soon. Please.

On the way to school this morning I apologized to my children for my attitude last night. Because it wasn’t good. I told them that I am choosing to see the mice as a blessing. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have gone into the attic to see the water leaking out of the hot water heater. I explained that sometimes things happen that seem bad but that God ALWAYS looks out after us and can work ANYTHING out for our good. I’m pretty sure my son thought I’d lost it by the look on his face. I probably have. I blame it on my noisy refrigerator, the leaking water heater, and the mice. Lots and lots of mice. Um, yeah.

But seriously, I also recognize that some of what is going on is God’s grace. Grace so big that I don’t really understand it all. Without going into personal details, there are things and people that God is slowly taking away from me. It’s been awfully painful. And yesterday I found out about another person in my life that will be moving to another country. (That makes THREE. Yes, three friends who have been with me in the THICK of my emotions and ALL THREE will be in different countries. Another country? Really?) That fact pushed me over my emotional edge. Sometimes it just seems too much. But I know in my heart God takes away for a reason. To be honest, I know the reason but it doesn’t make it easier.

This morning as I waited for the last minute to get out of my warm covers (still can’t believe it was that cold in April), I emailed my friend a reply in response to an email I sent last night about grieving. In it I wrote – Even in my crying I hold onto knowing that although I cannot understand it, I must trust His heart. He’s been nothing but good to me.”  And the truth is… I fiercely trust his heart. Even in the midst of a week of Mondays.

Sometimes life is not fun or adventurous or exciting. It’s hard and sad and basically just sucks. Choosing how I look at the hard part is what will get me through even the crappiest of days… and weeks… and even years. So today I’m choosing to hang onto the God who not only parts seas but cares enough to save my house from a flood and an army of mice. And the one that chooses to bless me when I don’t deserve it in the midst of it all.

*My memory verse for the past two weeks has been extremely helpful this week – Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9