Tag Archives: reality

When you still feel like you are family… but you’re not

*From www.wikipedia.com

For those who do not know the journey that happens after the divorce, be thankful. Very thankful. Often I hear or read, “I just want this all to be over“. Of course they are referring to the actual divorce and I had the exact same thought… onceĀ  hundreds of times. But unfortunately, it’s not just a one time deal and anyone going through it “gets it” very quickly. You don’t say in relief, “Oh yeah, I did that once – or twice. Moved on.” Well, I guess there are some that do but that, in itself, is sad.

How’s that for encouragement? Ugh, I know! But I’m serious and the pain that continues to hurt is real and I’m sure there are others that would agree. Surely I’m not the only one. Surely.

Yes, I’ve forgiven. Yes, I’m building a “new life” with new dreams and yes, I have a strong faith but the bottom line is that I am human and I hurt. It does lessen as time goes on but time doesn’t heal all wounds. That English proverb always irritated me a bit because it makes something extremely painful sound trite. No one in pain wants to hear it.

The most recent pain? Feeling like you are still part of the family except you’re not. No matter how great your relationship is and/or was with your “former family” the truth is, you are no longer part of that core family. No matter how close you once were, no matter how the divorce played out, no matter how much you may love them and vice versa, no matter how many times you are told that “you are still family to me/us”. The bottom line is… you’re not. I’m not. You/I may even carry the same last name but when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of “family” you eventually become the outsider. The one that doesn’t know all the ins and outs of the family anymore. You are outside the “Circle of Trust” as it’s called in the movie, Meet The Parents.

Reality can reach up and bite my heart sometimes. I hate those times. I really do.

It’s times like these that I go back to my thankful list and remind myself of what I DO have, not what I don’t.

I DO have…

  • A family who loves me and supports me.
  • Three children who bring LOTS of joy.
  • A church family that not only loves on me but my children as well.
  • Friends who make me laugh… and I need that.
  • Friends who tell me the truth… and I need that, too.
  • A God that tells me I am in HIS family and what can be better than that?

OK, so it still hurts but when I constantly go back to giving thanks in everything, I am brought back to a place of thanksgiving and peace.

Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live. -1 Thessalonians 5:18, The Message