Tag Archives: divorce

The Darkness that Brings Hope

trialsAnother year and another “annual” post. I do love writing but it is not a priority right now. I happened upon my site (Thanks, Facebook memories) and read my post from last December and was reminded of things learned and things forgotten. Sure would be nice if once you learned something it was just part of who you are and you never had to re-learn it again. Apparently that’s not me so I find myself going through more learning. Lucky me, lol.

Life has hard lessons and they seem to find me quite often. I told my best friend not too long ago that I was so over being able to identify with others because that meant going through hard stuff over and over again. And yet, here I am again. However, being alive on this earth for 49 years in a place that is not “my home” will always have me saying, “It’s not supposed to be like this.” Anyone else?

I will say that through it all one thing has NEVER changed. God was with me every single minute. Bethel Music’s rendition of It Is Well says, “Through it all my eyes are on You. Through it all it is well.” This has proven to be true in my experience.

So just in case you need someone that truly understands where you are or what you’re going through I can relate with… depression, death of a family member, death of a close friend, miscarriage, loneliness, divorce, food addiction, anorexia, bulimia (because I also have issues making up my mind), parenting (enough said, right??), alcoholism, losing a job, betrayal by a friend, poverty, rejection, emotional abuse, suicidal thoughts, breast cancer scare, bullying, sexual abuse, pornography, drug addiction, physical abuse, and probably some I’m forgetting. Before anyone starts assuming when and where I experienced all that, this is over a 49 year life. No one person or event was responsible, some I walked through with a close friend, and many were of my own doing.

Reading those may seem depressing but honestly today I feel hope. Could be the sunshine after raining three days. Could be the fact I was able to exercise and get some endorphins flowing. But I know that in James 1:2-3 the bible says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” I can attest to the fact that the product of going through hard stuff brings perseverance which leads to hope. It also brings strength and courage like no other experience can. The strongest people I know have the hardest stories to tell. Don’t assume you know someone based on their “today”. Everyone has a story to tell and if you slow down enough to talk to them you might even learn something about yourself.

So this year I’m rounding out my “trials” with hope and thanksgiving. Not because I was thankful when I was going through them, but thankful that I’m not the person I was before I did… And hope that the person I am today is a much better person than before.

Merry Christmas and love to you all.

 

And then the sadness comes… AGAIN

divorce_sucks001This morning I read Jen Hatmaker’s blog about marriage – Growing Up Together. If you’ve not read it and you’re married, she has some good advice. If you’re single, maybe you shouldn’t read it. I only say that because it kinda wrecked me today. Reading about marriages that are strong or have come through a lot but are still together is like a reminder every single time about what I no longer have.

Granted, there was some not-so-good things (ok, let’s just say it… crappy) that happened but for the first 8 years or so I was the luckiest girl on the planet. He was sexy, talented, funny, and my best friend. There are days that I still miss my best friend. Today is one of those days. Ugh.

No one tells you when you’re getting divorced that you’ll still have sad days… even three years later. I’d like to think that it eventually goes away but for those who married their first love and was passionate about the marriage and the spouse, I think it may linger longer. Unfortunately.

Just as there is no handbook for grief, there’s no handbook for divorce. It’s hard and it hurts. There’s really nothing anyone can say that takes away that deep, down sadness and hurt that comes up on occasion. And that’s OK. Feeling it and giving yourself the freedom to be sad is just part of moving out of that stage of grief – again.

There are those that will think you need to just suck it up and move on. Or they’ll think you’re being too dramatic or needing attention or whining. What they think doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are honest with yourself and others. Don’t pretend all is well when it’s not. That will only make you feel isolated.

One of the things that helps me on days like today is meditating on God’s Word. Something that is true and unchanging. Because honestly, my emotions can go ALL over the place and I need something stable. And let’s face it, just because we feel something doesn’t mean it’s true. (Reminding myself of that fact today.)

Here’s the verse I’m meditating on today and praying tomorrow is a hope-filled day:

“The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fail, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.” -Psalm 37:23-24

Stand strong, my friend.

Five Minute Friday – After

5-minute-friday-11. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking. (OK, I have to edit, I just do.) 2. Link back here and invite others to join in. 3. Then visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.

Please give me your best five minutes on:

AFTER…

Happily ever after… came but not how I expected it. I am happy and it is after. But not like the fairy tales I’d read where the boy and girl “live happily ever after”. They lived together after. That didn’t happen for me.

But even though my after did not turn out as expected, I do have an after. And just like any kind of disaster, there is hope and new growth in the after. The plants that grow after a volcano has erupted. The new life that comes after winter when everything “dies” for awhile.

My after brought laughter and joy and a better relationship with those I love. My family. My children. My friends. All sweeter because of what happened before the after.

So yes, I am living “happily ever after” … but writing my own fairy tale with God as my hero. And the good part about that is he’ll never leave.