Did I Disappoint God?

Grace_wordleObviously I took a bit of a break from writing. Not on purpose, it just kind of happened. I had a friend that reminded me several times that she missed my writing. I so appreciated that. Appreciated the fact that words written from my heart could actually help someone. Even with all the messiness of life. That realization is quite humbling. Mainly because I know all the thoughts that go through my head. You should count it a blessing all those thoughts don’t make it out in words. Some I would be horrified to probably even read myself. So, you’re welcome. :)

This past weekend I took my oldest to the Girls of Grace event. The whole day was about Grace. About realizing grace is for YOU. Dara Maclean (cool voice!), Britt Nicole (amazing performer and OH MY the dancers were AMAZING…oh, and she had a baby 8 weeks ago and was performing. What?), Point of Grace(talk about a blast from the past), and Amanda Noelle (first time to hear her but her cool, deep, raspy voice sold me) performed and several speakers spoke about LIVE.LOVE.LEAD. All good stuff. “Awesome”, according to my daughter.

Honestly, I thought I was there for my daughter… and I was. BUT… there was something that happened. Something so unexpected. Dara was talking about coming from a divorced family and how hard it was. She asked the girls (they were all down in front – mosh-pit, ya know) if any of them could relate and my daughter raised her hand. So yeah… that pretty much broke my heart into a million pieces. Something about seeing my daughter raise her hand and acknowledging the fact that she comes from a divorced family just hit me. Yeah, I know we’re divorced and that my kids are now identified that way but oh.my. My mother’s heart. The guilt. The shame. I could have crawled under the pew and stayed there.

Then the thoughts started. Thoughts about my inadequacy as a single Mom, that my kids’ lives are defined by something they had no control of, etc. It’s the negative “tape” that runs in my mind often. It’s taken all day to process them (thankful for a day to do that). I just came to the realization that yes, grace is for me. Again.

When God looks at me he’s not disappointed. That’s what grace is all about. It doesn’t matter what I’ve done, the choices I’ve made, etc. God still gives grace. He doesn’t get tired of me needing it. Why, you ask? Because he loves me. He loves you. There’s NOTHING you could EVER do that would cause God to say, “You know what? That’s it. I’m so tired of you doing ____ over and over again. I am so disappointed in you.”

No. There’s nothing. Grasping onto that truth brings such freedom.

And before you say… “Well, you don’t know what I’ve done.” Let me remind you that it doesn’t matter what you’ve done. That’s how BIG God is. His grace covers ALL :)