Five Minute Friday – Imagine

5-minute-friday-11. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking. (OK, I have to edit, I just do.) 2. Link back here and invite others to join in. 3. Then visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.

Please give me your best five minutes on:

IMAGINE…

This world – so different than the one painted in my imagination oh so many years ago. When pigtails, snowcones, sleepovers, and long summer nights occupied my world. Sleepovers that were filled with words about futures and hopes and dreams. Giggles and tears and everything in between.

We would imagine our life, our family, our future. Oh to be that innocent and dream-filled again. A time when nothing was out of reach, our bodies could do anything, and summer breaks would come every year. The freedom. The hope. The laughter. The joy.

This weekend I’ll be meeting this friend for a weekend in Galveston. Our dreams were not realized, our bodies not so young, neither of us enjoy a summer break, but I’m sure the giggles and tears will be there… and maybe even a snowcone.

She is as stable for me as my own family. We talk a few times a year and get together at Christmas and on each other’s birthdays. Every time we’re together it’s as if nothing has changed. Our friendship is not based on location or stage of life. It’s based on those long summer nights when our dreams were bigger than our world. Those dreams knit us together like nothing else.

And this weekend we will again dream together and imagine… because that’s what little girls do. And again we’ll experience the freedom, the hope, the laughter, and the joy.

And then the sadness comes… AGAIN

divorce_sucks001This morning I read Jen Hatmaker’s blog about marriage – Growing Up Together. If you’ve not read it and you’re married, she has some good advice. If you’re single, maybe you shouldn’t read it. I only say that because it kinda wrecked me today. Reading about marriages that are strong or have come through a lot but are still together is like a reminder every single time about what I no longer have.

Granted, there was some not-so-good things (ok, let’s just say it… crappy) that happened but for the first 8 years or so I was the luckiest girl on the planet. He was sexy, talented, funny, and my best friend. There are days that I still miss my best friend. Today is one of those days. Ugh.

No one tells you when you’re getting divorced that you’ll still have sad days… even three years later. I’d like to think that it eventually goes away but for those who married their first love and was passionate about the marriage and the spouse, I think it may linger longer. Unfortunately.

Just as there is no handbook for grief, there’s no handbook for divorce. It’s hard and it hurts. There’s really nothing anyone can say that takes away that deep, down sadness and hurt that comes up on occasion. And that’s OK. Feeling it and giving yourself the freedom to be sad is just part of moving out of that stage of grief – again.

There are those that will think you need to just suck it up and move on. Or they’ll think you’re being too dramatic or needing attention or whining. What they think doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are honest with yourself and others. Don’t pretend all is well when it’s not. That will only make you feel isolated.

One of the things that helps me on days like today is meditating on God’s Word. Something that is true and unchanging. Because honestly, my emotions can go ALL over the place and I need something stable. And let’s face it, just because we feel something doesn’t mean it’s true. (Reminding myself of that fact today.)

Here’s the verse I’m meditating on today and praying tomorrow is a hope-filled day:

“The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fail, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.” -Psalm 37:23-24

Stand strong, my friend.

Five Minute Friday – Song

5-minute-friday-11. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking. (OK, I have to edit, I just do.) 2. Link back here and invite others to join in. 3. Then visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.

Please give me your best five minutes on:

SONG…

She snuggles close, her breathing soft and quiet. I breathe deep her smell. We all have one and hers makes my heart sing. Her tiny frame is down at the end of the bed with space enough at the top for someone else. Her unique personality even shines when she sleeps. Oh how my hearts bursts as I watch her as only a Mother’s heart will do.  There’s something about watching your child sleep. Peace. Calm.

This girl, my baby, was unexpected. Tears fell as I gazed at that stick. My world interrupted in one small second of time. And yet… this was God’s plan all along. I did not know at the time how one small person could change my life. But He did.

As my heart sings I am reminded that my Heavenly Father perfectly formed and crafted this sweet little person. Someone that would bring me more joy than I ever thought possible. Her hugs and smiles and little “I love you” notes melt me every time. That personality… so unique and bubbly.

My heart swells and I am reminded, once again, that my Father can be trusted. Even when  it doesn’t seem like things are going “according to plan” or “right”… He can be trusted. His heart for me is good. Always for my good. Always.

She wakes and smiles. And my heart starts the day with a song.