Every week Lisa-Jo Baker encourages bloggers to participate in writing for 5 minutes without editing. She calls it “Five Minute Friday“. This week’s prompt is STRETCH.
My oldest will be starting Jr High next week. I could stop there… right?? Her excitement for this change is undeniable, though. In fact, her backpack is already filled with new school supplies and locker decorations. Her new clothes and shoes are all laid out and ready to be worn. She’s chosen to play flute in the band, her best friend will be in her classes, and in her world things are bright and shiny. I’m grateful for that.
And yet, my mommy’s heart is being stretched. I absolutely love seeing her excitement. It thrills my soul to know she is looking forward to this life change but there is a part of me that is nervous. See, I remember Jr High with all its’ drama. Girls change (oh wow, do they change!), boys change, and friends change (ugh – lots of tears with that one). Schedules change and stretch you beyond what you feel you are capable of managing. And in all that you forge your own personal identity with the world.
She’s my firstborn. The one that gave me the title, “Mom”. My heart longs to see her thrive in her new environment. To see her live out her faith in ways that only an 11/12 year old can. To influence instead of being influenced. To stand firm in knowing the truth about who she is and not what others say she is.
My heart clings to the One who created her and knows He will be right by her side through every thing. I also know He is the one that allows our hearts to stretch and will not give us more than what we can handle. That, my friend, is comforting no matter where you are in life.
There are moments that sneak up on me when I’m least suspecting them. Moments that remind me of what has been lost, of changed dreams, and of sadness.
- Seeing an elderly couple having dinner together.
- Reading love stories that are oh so familiar, yet end quite differently.
- Having a 15 year anniversary pass by without celebration.
- Redoing a will and life insurance. Alone.
- Missing the feeling of holding someone’s hand.
- Watching a couple exchange an inside joke.
Yes, I know I am blessed. I am surrounded by people who love me and I do not take that for granted. But in all honesty, there are days where sadness wells up inside me and I go through the entire day with a lump in my throat. Days when the “moments” happen more than once and I can’t usher them to the back of my brain.
As much as it hurts I know it’s all part of the process. The process of letting go and healing. Something I’m not too particularly fond of because I have to feel and move and continue with life.
Am I OK? Absolutely. Do I hurt? Absolutely. Is God still good? Absolutely.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.
Walking up to the strange house feeling like my drive-thru dinner could come up at any minute I take a deep breath and knock on the door. An unknown door to an unknown house full of unknown people.
Crazy thoughts go running through my head like… I could run fast and jump in my car and no one would know. But who am I kidding? I’ve NEVER run fast and I’d be “caught”. That would make it much more awkward. And I know awkward.
The door opens as a lady smiles and says “hello, come in”. I pause, glance inside and wonder what in the heck I was thinking. I do not belong here. I do not belong.
I belong at home with my family even though my kids are gone to their dad’s for the week. I could have stayed home with my dog who knows me and loves me but instead I chose to get out and communicate with humans. What was I thinking?
Little did I know that by the end of the summer these same unknown faces would be the ones I would greet at my door saying, “welcome”. The same ones that I was so hesitant to meet. Now I call them friends. We hug, we laugh, we cry, we pray. They have become people whom I care deeply about. People who I trusted with my story.
I could not be more thankful that I took the risk to connect with other singles. The journey to get there was difficult but the blessings are many.