All.Alone.

December brings parties and papers to sign and gifts to buy and lights to hang and trees to decorate. Our December is no different. Until this week.

This week I am alone. I remember a time I used to think I’d LOVE a minute, an hour, or a day all to myself (and when I had those moments I did cherish them). Those thoughts are gone, as the reality of true alone-ness sets in. There are still days that I cherish being alone. I’ve always carved out some time alone to recharge, chill, contemplate, or just sleep.

It’s different when you CHOOSE to be alone. I really did not understand this until today. I said goodbye to my sweet three and gave them extra hugs and kisses last night, knowing I would not see them before I left for work or for the rest of the week.

Some days/weeks without them doesn’t bother me, but today it does. Maybe it’s the gloomy weather. Maybe it’s because I’ve already worked 8 hours and I’m tired and sleepy. Maybe it’s because it’s the week before Christmas.

Whatever the reason, being alone stinks. I can say this because I tend to be a loner most often by choice. This is not by choice and so it stinks.

But then this morning I read this and I’m encouraged that it is possible to be alone, but not lonely. My prayer for this rest of this year and next is that I would be able to divorce loneliness. It is not my friend and a companion that is doing nothing but making my life miserable.